Members Section Collaborative Divorce Texas

blankHeader

  • Donate
  • For Professionals
    • Membership Advantages
    • Events/Training
    • Become a Member
    • For Students
    • Volunteer at CDT
    • Advertise with Us
  • Contact Us
  • Login
  • What is Collaborative Divorce?
    • What is Collaborative Divorce
    • Why Use a CDTexas Member?
    • About Us
    • Master and Credentialed Collaborative Divorce Professionals
    • The Gay G. Cox Award for Excellence in Collaborative Law
      • Testimonials
  • FAQs
  • Blog
    • General Articles
  • Find A Professional
    • How Do I Choose a Collaborative Professional?
    • Attorneys
    • Financial Professionals
    • Mental Health Professionals
    • See All
  • Home
  • Find a Collaborative Professional
  • What is a Collaborative Divorce?
    • What is Collaborative Divorce?
    • Frequently Asked Questions
    • About CDTexas
    • Master and Credentialed Collaborative Divorce Professionals
    • The Gay G. Cox Award for Excellence in Collaborative Law
  • Blog
    • General Articles
  • For Collaborative Professionals
    • Membership Benefits
    • Events/Training
    • Become a Member
    • For Students
    • Advertise with Us
    • Volunteer at CDT
    • Login
  • Donate
  • Contact Us

Donate

  • Credentialing
  • Members Blog
You are here: Home / xyz-Featured Author / Cindi Graham / Practice Tip – Smart Clients Understand (Common Sense Negotiation)

Practice Tip – Smart Clients Understand (Common Sense Negotiation)

October 11, 2022 By Cindi Barela Graham

Many clients think they are savvy negotiators, but they often fail to understand how their behaviors and attitudes towards each other throughout any divorce process effects the end result. What you and I see as common-sense negotiation tactics, are anything but that to our highly agitated divorce clients.

We have all seen the Wife make digs at the unfaithful husband continuously throughout the divorce case. While such disparagement likely makes the Wife feel a bit satisfied for a few moments, she rarely understands the long-term consequences of such comments.

The same can be said when Fathers make comments towards Mothers about child support going towards nails or hair instead of the children. While this may make the Father feel vindicated for a moment, it does not do much for the Mother who then insists that Father not get a minute of extra time with their children.

And, since communication is 80% NONVERBAL, then remind your client that eye rolling, crossing their arms, and glaring are all types of communication that can show as much disdain as the spoken word.

Oftentimes an unfaithful spouse will feel guilty or feel shame for their behavior. It is also during these times of guilt or shame that that spouse may be the most generous. Likewise, a spouse who feels supported or who feels like the other side is respecting them, may agree to something they originally refused simply because the other side was kind or respectful. A compliment such as: “She is a great mom, and the kids need her” is likely to get better results than: “She is always on her phone and never pays attention to them anyway.”

Those insults and contempt directed at the party with whom the maker of the comments is negotiating will most likely quickly lead to the insulted party (whether true or not) becoming angry.  And any angry party is more apt to respond in kind than to be generous or considerate.

Because examples and storytelling are so important in helping people remember what you tell them, think of a story or even a well-known movie that conveys this same message. Perhaps Beauty and the Beast is a good example.  Belle is kind to the Beast, and it pays off in the end. Think of the Grinch and how his heart grew when he experienced kindness. Maybe Forest Gump? What is it that resonates with your client? Is it their religion? Were they a Boy Scout? Or perhaps you get your client a picture of an iron, a wallet, and a pot of honey with flies.

Regardless of what speaks to your client, reminding them of the Golden Rule should help as well. Be sure to advise your client to strike while the iron is hot. And, a smart client will also understand that snide, cutting comments directed at their spouse will only make the wallet shut.  Remind your client that they will catch more flies with honey.

About Cindi Barela Graham

Cindi Barela Graham has been practicing law in the Amarillo area for over 26 years with a current focus on Family Law. She is Board Certified by the Texas Board of Legal Specialization in Family Law since 2002. Cindi speaks at continuing legal education programs on topics such as child custody, modifications, enforcement, and property division.

Filed Under: Cindi Graham, Members Blog, xyz-Featured Author

Search for a Professional

Search by:

County

Add Name of County

City

Add Name of City

Last Name

Search By Last Name

Bilingual Professionals

Featured Video

  • Child of Divorce
  • Collaborative Divorce
  • Collaborative Divorce Testimonial

Why Collaborative?

  • Becky Davenport
  • Jody Johnson
  • James Urmin
  • Dr. Honey Sheff
  • Steve Walker
  • Carla Calabrese
  • Dawn Budner
  • Jennifer Leister
  • Camille Scroggins
  • Robert Matlock
  • Natalie Gregg
  • Mickey Gayler
  • Deborah Lyons
  • Carlos Salinas
  • Linda Solomon
  • Richard Soat
  • Lisa Rothfus
  • Jeffrey Shore
  • Barbara Cole
  • David Brunson
  • Syd
  • Susan Z.
  • Cristi Trusler
  • Camille Milner
  • Linda Threats
  • Sarah Keathley
  • MaryAnn Kildebeck
  • David Bouschor
  • Lisa Marquis
  • Harry Munsinger
  • Vicki James
  • Robin Watts
  • Katie Berry
  • Jack Emmott
  • Jennifer Broussard
  • Patricia Havard
  • Paula Locke Smyth
  • Norma Trusch
  • Laura Schlenker
  • Brett Christiansen
  • Tim Whitten
  • Melinda Eitzen
  • Julian Schwartz
  • MaryAnne Knolle
  • Chad Olsen
  • Chris Farish
  • Charles Quaid
  • Anne Shuttee
  • Barbara Runge
  • Rhonda Cleaves
  • Jamie Patterson
  • Catherine Baron
  • Kristen Algert
  • Sandra Roland
  • Rhonda Cleaves 2
  • Gratia Schoemakers

Membership Login



signup now | forgot password?

The Collaborative Law Institute of Texas

d/b/a
Collaborative Divorce Texas

Proud Members of IACP

1400 Preston Road
Suite 400
Plano, TX 75093
(972) 386-0158

Please note: Our office will be closed on

Holiday closures:
Limited: Nov. 23rd & 24th
Closed: Nov. 25th , 26th and 27th

Christmas:
Closed from December 24-December 30, 2022.
Offices open on January 2nd, 2023.

Website Terms of Usage

Contact Our Webmaster

Follow Us

  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn
  • Twitter
  • Vimeo
  • YouTube

Search Our Website

Find A Professional

  • Find a Collaborative Professional
  • Attorneys
  • Financial Professionals
  • Mental Health Professionals
  • See All

…CMT…

Copyright © 2023 · Collaborative Divorce Texas · All Rights Reserved

· · ·

Web Design and Maintenance by The Crouch Group